Time to find your real self again

Updated: Jan 5

On the surface it seems like an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who

you really are.  But for many, from when we are little and growing up, we were being

programmed to act and be a certain way to “fit in”.



As adults we can find that if being in a relationship that is not nurturing and enriching, we can lose ourselves along the way and not feel acceptance or seen.  We find ourselves conforming and playing a role that is not us in order to please the people we love, and so that we feel loved in return. This can lead to sometimes suppressing what you know is the real person within.


This is key! Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.  Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 3 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.


1. Quiet the noise in your head


We can be tough on ourselves. The voices in our head like the ones that are constantly

nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the

vet, keep the boss happy.  With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear

anything beyond it.  This MUST be the first step.  How do you do that?  By setting up systems,

simplifying, and establishing enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position

of abundance, instead of lack. Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways. This happens

when you truly believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the

world.  Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined --that’s a lot of

talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking.  Consciously listen to

how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace

them with facts. Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.”  Challenge: “Of course I do things

right.  I did (example) right.  I did (example) right.  This time, I just made a mistake.  I’ll learn

from it and have better success next time.”


2. Listen to your heart


Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our

hearts and lead only with our heads.  Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self.

 It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them.

Be open and vulnerable.  Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why

it’s important.  Think of this as a beautiful mind body connection. A short exercise for you to

try anytime daily. Take a moment and bring your hands together to your heart and bow your

head to your hands. You are connecting your mind to your heart. Breathe deep and release

what doesn’t serve you or anything that is holding you back. Now begin to feel authentic

appreciation for who and what you are flaws and all. You are unique, strong, smart and

beautiful. As your mind is quiet, your heart can flourish and feel the love within and around

you.


3. Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal


Yes, research shows goals can get you to work harder, focus and perform better. But when we

get so emotionally attached to these specific goals it can lead to depleting your creativity and

make you feel less likely to thrive. Thus leading to a sense of loss within. Goals can be great but

it is how we treat them that counts. What you’re really after is a feeling is respect, love and

appreciation as opposed to the company car, or a great guy/girl or what we think we should do

or have.  Keep an open mind to your feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to

achieve them.  Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. For

example, those who say they want happiness as their goal. Research has proven that this state

of happiness comes from expressing, and feeling gratitude rather than the new shiny car, or

from prioritizing family over the status career. This all comes down to feelings and what is really

important to you.  The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through. Instead

of merely focusing on the goal, begin to focus on the process. The process of being true to you,

feeling authentically in balance and enjoying the path along the way.


You are the person you can truly know and love. Yes you! It is time for you to invest and take

the time to listen, understand and accept.  When you accept your Real Self again, you'll make

smarter choices. Those choices and changes may feel scary at first but when you know what

your true self needs, you will be able to open up and begin to move forward with that

confidence within. These choices will stick because they actually fit who you are and what is

right for you.  Now, it is time to take a leap and feel alive again. You are worth it.


Love & Light, Namaste


Jennifer Nocito

Clarity Wellness Coach, RHC HCA, Certified Yoga/Pilates/Meditation Teacher

Yoga First and Wellness

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